i think i'm mad. let's see who will ever read/find this. i'm chicken shit. and SO? come judge me. hell do i care. yeah, i do. HAHA. okay, i gotta stop my nonsense. soon enough. and so. brain works. i dun feel like living in a shell of i'm an oh so good kid anymore. oh, but i still want my grades. the inner dragon competitive child in me. hahahaha, let's just wait and see. :D and i shan't disappoint myself by giving up on the beautiful law major. i'll show myself i'll pull through. 'cos i rock. hahahhaha.
quotable quotes.
"wah you go gym ah. so healthy, then i will grow fat" thats f-ing logical somehow. right? i mean if i exercise, you grow fat. tell me how that works.
talking about logical, i miss training with wh (this is in case when he googles his name it won't appear on the pages). being yelled and screamed at is quite fun to get the adredaline rush. fine, i miss having the kinda adredaline rush for sailing. on the bow. i love my position by the way. though i was so freaked out by it initially that i screwed up like free and was so bound by guilt for like a whole period of time. but it's after the breakthrough. from sitting right at the bow taking transit, to starts, to "last tack", uppole openhatch pre-feed spinmade slamhatch tidyhalliot readytogybe upjib poledown spindown SKIRT hikeout. hahhaha. especially when we train in short uw and dw legs. egggggciting. till my egggs fly also. okay sick. the heartbeat race, the yelling of ease blue. and saturday was cool. with winds so mad, spin 20m above water levels, fucking broaches, crazy sand patches. yeah thats sailing for you. one hell big reason why i love it. it throws you with something new and unusual everytime. it's like throwing you a problem in 12432562 ways. it's like Amaths. thats what you gotta know. but it can have '72 transfomations' to surprise you every other time. and it's the relief and satisfaction you get everytime you solve a problem. awesome. i just dedicated a whole long paragraph to my love for sailing. oh, but not to forget, sometimes it really gets scary- eg. a boat gonna capsize or no life. ahha. oh and definitely not to forget, i love the feeling the next day. the tiredness you feel in ur muscles. something that gyming cannot help you achieve. oh, and definitely. how can i forget the SAILORS? :D
and something that came from yours truly, "can i touch your that thing" eh please. pure innocent question. but sorry, i cldn't help but to die laughing from this too.
so yeah i can't wait for tomorrow. heh heh heh.
but still, you know why it won't be that easy for me to backslide? 'cos it always, always, brings comfort to know that there's a reason for living. there's a reason for this life. and that's the greater life. 'cos i'm in this world, for a reason. 'cos each of us are made differently and individually. each of us are specially handmade by God. how can we despise God's own creation? and no matter how depressing or difficult life may be sometimes, you know that God is still there. that there's a greater world and peace out there. there's a God who loves you. loves you like his own. :)
i may not be the best christian on earth, i am not. i use vulgarities, i don't read the bible as often as i should, i get sucked in by the world. but i love God and believe that He is the beginning and the end, and always have faith in Him alone. 'cos i know He has been there for me. always. and i believe, He is always there for my family too. you know, when i get worried sick about the family, when i dunno what else to do to reassure them, when i dunno what else can i say when my actions don't really reflect what i feel, i only can pray, pray that He'll reassure them, He'll give them the peace and comfort that they need. I'm sorry dad and mum, for not being always able to live up to your expectations and making you're worry sick time and again. i know me being on exchange is gonna be hard for you're, spiritually, emotionally, financially, everything. but i believe i didn't get this opportunity on my own accord, i believe that every step and adventure i embark on, is given to me by God. for i have prayed for such a university education since year 2. and i really thank Him for the path that He has paved for me. so since He has blessed me to it, i believe He'll see me, and you all through it. :) You'll never read this, at least i hope, but after talking to you that night, i hope you do see where i am coming from, see that your duaghter knows what she's doing and trust her more not to backslide. well, i know i can't blame you. and im glad i have friends to actually make me realise that point. to see it differently, and not get upset and hurt by that. i used to think that understanding a parent's worries is sufficient. not till i saw it in a different light. to see it in a way that it won't kill myself. haha.
ohwow. that is a real long post. with all sorts of things within. but it's not the end. haha. alright, turn the light's off, it's time to party.
i hate the feeling of loneliness.
quotable quotes.
"wah you go gym ah. so healthy, then i will grow fat" thats f-ing logical somehow. right? i mean if i exercise, you grow fat. tell me how that works.
talking about logical, i miss training with wh (this is in case when he googles his name it won't appear on the pages). being yelled and screamed at is quite fun to get the adredaline rush. fine, i miss having the kinda adredaline rush for sailing. on the bow. i love my position by the way. though i was so freaked out by it initially that i screwed up like free and was so bound by guilt for like a whole period of time. but it's after the breakthrough. from sitting right at the bow taking transit, to starts, to "last tack", uppole openhatch pre-feed spinmade slamhatch tidyhalliot readytogybe upjib poledown spindown SKIRT hikeout. hahhaha. especially when we train in short uw and dw legs. egggggciting. till my egggs fly also. okay sick. the heartbeat race, the yelling of ease blue. and saturday was cool. with winds so mad, spin 20m above water levels, fucking broaches, crazy sand patches. yeah thats sailing for you. one hell big reason why i love it. it throws you with something new and unusual everytime. it's like throwing you a problem in 12432562 ways. it's like Amaths. thats what you gotta know. but it can have '72 transfomations' to surprise you every other time. and it's the relief and satisfaction you get everytime you solve a problem. awesome. i just dedicated a whole long paragraph to my love for sailing. oh, but not to forget, sometimes it really gets scary- eg. a boat gonna capsize or no life. ahha. oh and definitely not to forget, i love the feeling the next day. the tiredness you feel in ur muscles. something that gyming cannot help you achieve. oh, and definitely. how can i forget the SAILORS? :D
and something that came from yours truly, "can i touch your that thing" eh please. pure innocent question. but sorry, i cldn't help but to die laughing from this too.
so yeah i can't wait for tomorrow. heh heh heh.
but still, you know why it won't be that easy for me to backslide? 'cos it always, always, brings comfort to know that there's a reason for living. there's a reason for this life. and that's the greater life. 'cos i'm in this world, for a reason. 'cos each of us are made differently and individually. each of us are specially handmade by God. how can we despise God's own creation? and no matter how depressing or difficult life may be sometimes, you know that God is still there. that there's a greater world and peace out there. there's a God who loves you. loves you like his own. :)
i may not be the best christian on earth, i am not. i use vulgarities, i don't read the bible as often as i should, i get sucked in by the world. but i love God and believe that He is the beginning and the end, and always have faith in Him alone. 'cos i know He has been there for me. always. and i believe, He is always there for my family too. you know, when i get worried sick about the family, when i dunno what else to do to reassure them, when i dunno what else can i say when my actions don't really reflect what i feel, i only can pray, pray that He'll reassure them, He'll give them the peace and comfort that they need. I'm sorry dad and mum, for not being always able to live up to your expectations and making you're worry sick time and again. i know me being on exchange is gonna be hard for you're, spiritually, emotionally, financially, everything. but i believe i didn't get this opportunity on my own accord, i believe that every step and adventure i embark on, is given to me by God. for i have prayed for such a university education since year 2. and i really thank Him for the path that He has paved for me. so since He has blessed me to it, i believe He'll see me, and you all through it. :) You'll never read this, at least i hope, but after talking to you that night, i hope you do see where i am coming from, see that your duaghter knows what she's doing and trust her more not to backslide. well, i know i can't blame you. and im glad i have friends to actually make me realise that point. to see it differently, and not get upset and hurt by that. i used to think that understanding a parent's worries is sufficient. not till i saw it in a different light. to see it in a way that it won't kill myself. haha.
ohwow. that is a real long post. with all sorts of things within. but it's not the end. haha. alright, turn the light's off, it's time to party.
i hate the feeling of loneliness.
1 Comments:
i think this was a lovely post! i remember at the shenzhen airport i kept forcing you to say what you liked about sailing. i don't know if you felt interrogated or what, or like i was wringing it from you. but reading this, i could just feel your passion flow from the screen :) in a way that i never got to hear about it at the airport :)
and that aside, it was also v inspiring to read about your love for God :) i think sometimes i forget. and sometimes i think it's easier because i only end up feeling guilty and condemned. but very often if you don't think about it so much, and just go with it, you realise actually God may not be that calculative. haha i don't know how much of that made sense but reading this whole post was v refreshing :)
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